


Time To Let Go

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 07:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10485837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Kaidan and Liara need to have a conversation about her choices during Shepard's missing two years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Consider this the official unofficial sequel to "[Billie Jean.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1867761)" It wasn't written as a sequel, but it plays out much like one would so...

The Normandy felt different. 

That was probably because it was a different ship, the SR1 had been a smaller vessel, which meant that it felt like there was more room here. Kaidan had seemed to have been given free range of the Starboard Observation lounge, allowed to take it as his personal quarters, even. The crew seemed to prefer spending downtime in the Port Lounge, given the bar, the poker table, and what Kaidan assumed to be some kind of massage chair, though he hadn’t really figured out what exactly it was for sure.

Kaidan knew that there was a lot different as a result of the last few years, not just because the Reapers were invading. The universe was nothing if not constantly changing. He’d changed himself, between promotions, his biotics, and his place in things, particularly on a personal level.

He laughed at himself. Even in his internal monologue, he was being discreet. He and Shepard were, after having danced around the very idea three years ago, finally together. 

Maybe that was why he was thinking about change – he remembered Lieutenant Alenko, how he had held back on declaring his feelings for Shepard at the time of their hunt for Saren because not only was it unprofessional to come on to your CO in the middle of a crisis, he’d seen Ashley Williams and Liara in the process of sniping at each other and hadn’t wanted to put himself in the midst of that. By the time it had ended, they were staring down the barrel of the gun that was Virmire. Kaidan hadn’t wanted to intrude on Shepard mourning having left someone he’d cared about – be it platonic or romantic – at that time, and so things had gone unsaid for years.

Speaking of things going unsaid, that brought something significantly less pleasant to mind.

Kaidan rapped on the door to Liara’s room. It opened, revealing Glyph, Liara’s info-drone.

“Greetings Major Alenko,” Glyph chirped. “Doctor T’Soni is currently indisposed with reports.”

“Actually,” came Liara’s voice from the back of the room, followed shortly by her physically appearing in the door frame, “I could use a distraction.” She smiled at Kaidan. “Kaidan. Is there something I can do for you?”

Taking that as an invitation, Kaidan crossed the threshold to her office, letting the door close behind him. He wanted to keep this between the two of them. “There is something that’s been bothering me. For a while now.” He took a breath, not sure how she would react to what he was going to say, but having to say it anyway. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why keep me out of the loop?”

She didn’t seem to understand. “I’m not sure I-”

“About Shepard. About you... recovering his body. About you going to find his body.” Shepard had, during one of his visits at Huerta, expanded on the details of his missing two years, bringing up Liara’s involvement in matters specifically. Kaidan had heard a note of restrained anger in Shepard’s voice. He assumed that the two of them had since cleared the air, or else she wouldn’t have been welcome on the Normandy like she was.

But that didn’t mean Kaidan had had the chance to do so.

Liara’s eyes went wide in surprise, not having expected him to come in and ask her that. “I... I suppose I was scared. Scared you’d try to talk me out of it. Scared to... to let him go.” She sighed. “I... I wasn’t there when the Normandy went down, Kaidan. You had last thoughts, last moments with him. I... think I needed that too. In order to... to say goodbye.” 

“I suppose I can understand that. But... There was also the chance any of us could have helped you. Instead, you did it alone. You didn’t tell any of us. You... you just went, you did this... And then you gave his body to Cerberus.”

“Kaidan... Shepard and I have had this argument already. We reached an... understanding, of sorts.”

“Yeah, well, you haven’t had it with me. And I...” Kaidan took a breath, and realized why this angered him so much. “I love him, Liara. And not only did you not tell me about it, not knowing drove a wedge between us, one that... that nearly kept us apart.” The effects of Horizon had lingered pretty much right up to that moment that they pointed weapons at each other during the coup. It would have been so easy for that to have ended with one of them pulling the trigger on the other.

She was silent a moment, and Kaidan needed only that moment to realize why she had done what she’d done, and why she lapsed into silence now. “You did it because you loved him too.”

“I did. I... I do. But Shepard has made his choice, and I will respect that.”

“You telling me that, or yourself?” A beat passed, and Kaidan softened. “No, I’m sorry, Liara. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did. And you were right. It’s... Shepard and I have had the discussion. Even if something might have happened at some point, it could never be now. Not just because of what I did... but because he loves you, too.”

The words would mean more coming from Shepard, of course. But Kaidan understood the spirit of them. She was acknowledging that her ‘claim’ on Shepard was nothing but her own desires – he was and had been Shepard’s choice, and nothing she did could change that fact. 

“So why did you think that you could only do it on your own?” he asked, feeling there was something more that needed saying, for the both of them.

She considered that for a long moment, taking her time. Kaidan let her, knowing that this certainly couldn’t be easy for her – spending years loving someone you knew would never return those feelings wasn’t easy. “I... I wanted my place in Shepard’s life. I deeply wanted more, wanted him to... to love me... But I could settle for making do with the idea that he would live because of me.” She met his gaze. “And it was wrong of me. I’m glad Shepard’s alive, of course, but I feel I’ll be atoning for what I did to him, my betrayal of his trust for my own benefit for a very long time, possibly beyond his lifetime. But I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it again. I’d just be able to understand that it wouldn’t be for me. It would be for the galaxy, to have the man who can lead us to victory against the Reapers.” She gave Kaidan a sad smile. “And... so that the man that he loves, who loves him in return, could have even a little more time together. If I had it to do over again, Kaidan, I would tell you. I’d want you there.”

If it were anyone else, Kaidan might think that Liara’s words were lip service – it wasn’t as if she’d have the opportunity to do it over, and, with some luck, there would be no next time to put her money where her mouth was. But Liara had dropped her defenses. Kaidan didn’t see the confident Shadow Broker who could manipulate governments with the press of a button. This was Doctor Liara T’Soni, the young woman who’d been rescued on Therum from the geth. She was laying herself open for Kaidan to see her clearly – whatever feelings she still had for Shepard, she knew, unquestionably, that they would only be in her dreams, and that she accepted it.

It was enough for Kaidan.

“I suppose that’s what I needed,” he said. Whether or not he felt there was or should be more, that was as good as it really could be – Liara and Shepard, according to her, had cleared the air already, and now he and Liara had done the same. The actions were still wrong, but they were in the past now, where things couldn’t be different. 

There was a brief awkward silence as they both stood there, neither really knowing what to say next. They were spared by Glyph speaking up. “Doctor T’Soni? Commander Shepard is outside, asking for admittance. Shall I let him in?”

“Yes, Glyph. Of course.”

The door slid open, admitting Shepard. He took a look at the two, then raised an eyebrow. “Something going on here I should be worried about?” he asked, having picked up on their body language and the last remains of the tension in the air.

“No, Commander. Just... catching up,” Kaidan said. “Thanks for the talk, Liara. Commander... I’ll see you later.”

Shepard flashed Kaidan a brief but bright smile. “Looking forward to it, Major.”

Even Liara couldn’t help a smile, though hers was tinged with regret. “It’s certainly nice to see someone find a bright spot in the midst of this war,” she said.

On that much, Kaidan would offer no argument.


End file.
